It was a nonfatal attack—
but if that high heel
had gone an inch
one way or the other
he was Long-John-Silvered,
without a spoon in his mouth.
He’d have ended up sucking
his porridge through a Jack-Daw.

And what would he do then—
blame the council I suppose!
Council assistant takes high heel
to man over parking fine.

As it was his eye was hanging out
by its socket.
So much so that he squealed,
half-wildebeest half-agony-aunt.
People didn’t know whether
to laugh or laugh louder,
he was making a right fool of himself.

Anything, babe, you can have anything
even my maggot collection.
And you know the way I am
about them maggots.
You can sell my python on eBay.
just get help, I’m begging you.

Put a sock in it, she said,
in a guerilla-war-face voice.
Now hop along for yourself
and think twice before you start
telling me how useless I am.

I’m good for something
as we both can see.
Furthermore a council assistant
would never wear high heels in City Hall.
They wear flats for comfort,
easy on the ankle
easy on the eye.